he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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