please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
