Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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