i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
