dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Everclear isn't food dammit
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
