is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
