this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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