Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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