We won't sleep together?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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