Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
