I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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