Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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