A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
