??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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