you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize