I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
