We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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