I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
