she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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