just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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