if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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