i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
