Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
