I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've blown a few things in my day
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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