Buhtt sex?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
