i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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