I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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