the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
