i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
