I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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