you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
