Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
