it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
