Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
