I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
