Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
