Is it because I queefed?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
