You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
