the new term for farting is butt boxing.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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