I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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