hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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