Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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