My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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