i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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