Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
