I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think a kid would responsible me up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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