My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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