I swear she didn't look like that last week.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
