Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
