Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
