can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
