You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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