i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
