we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
