My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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