A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
