You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
