Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
