she was so not down for the gang bang
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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