Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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