allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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