Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
