i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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