I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I want to be your penis for a week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize