Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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