Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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