Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He kissed a someone with a penis
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
