you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
