Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Too much gin, very little bucket
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize