I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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