Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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