he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
