mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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