What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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