The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize