we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
