its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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