I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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