Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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