Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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