Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize