Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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