If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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