If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
