I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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